SELF-LOVE

SELF-LOVE

Definition: Regard for one's own well being and happiness...

It took exactly 34 years and yesterday to consider the possibility that I lack the above definition. Which is somewhat preposterous considering that I am happiness personified. But, at the rate I am going I had to take time to face the mirror and understand the woman in the mirror. 

The woman I stared at, I did not know; the one I knew has seemingly drifted to a hidden place that required me to call out her name to get her attention. Happiness...Happiness...(Which I found strange because I never thought there would ever come a time in life where I needed to search and call out her name) Happiness was nowhere to be found.

I thought I saw her silhouette but it was every other person she knew. In them I searched for my Happiness and all I found was theirs. Nurtured their happiness I did, so much so that I neglected my own. It took the breakdown of my jalopy, courtesy of the ignition coil which failed dismally at what it was made for (old as it was), which is to transform the battery's low voltage to the thousands of volts needed to create an electric spark in the spark plugs to ignite the fuel; that I learned the value of self love. I had a conversation with my jalopy...begged and pleaded with the ignition to start and be happy already and my jalopy was not having it. The reason I love my car is not only because I was driven in it everyday to school from 1995-2000 but because of its age, it teaches me the art of an automobile and its well being. But, what fascinated me most was when I personified the car then I realized the depth of its SELF-LOVE. For as long as the car has no gasoline, it will not move, for as long as the ignition coil is not functional it will not move yet the woman in the mirror has run out of gasoline and her ignition coil needed replacing and still she expected happiness. It took two trips to the spares shop with a stranger to buy the coil (twice) after trying to figure out what the problem was over 4 hours then I had an epiphany...

The woman in the mirror has many a time compromised her well being and happiness to make others happy from family, friends, strangers, employers and the rest of the human race that are even blatantly horrible towards her, she believed that if it makes them happy then it's OK...Not once had she taken the time to replenish her self and keep her happiness in tact. You DO know a good thing especially when its gone BUT because HAPPINESS is a state of mind and all it takes is a decision to be...I immediately decided to be happy in the messed up car situation I was in. As I dusted and wiped the oil off my hands from touching the engine of the car courtesy of the coil and sat on the driver's seat to start the car; I took another look in the rear view mirror and caught the eye of a familiar face...one that was all I had in life (MYSELF)...I said a little prayer for that VROOOOM and when I heard it, it felt like it ignited a spark of happiness that I missed so much which I will never ever let go of...I fell in LOVE with mySELF all over again and it's exciting!